Computers... Bah-Humbug!

Okay! So I am out of my funk, Officially as of Today. I am unusually cheerful at work, and having a ball irritating everyone with my attitude. I have made a resolution to get some work done, both on the house, and on my computer. I am intent on getting a handle on this beast, and be able to take photos, run home and download them to the computer, all organized and safe, take my time to edit them, and print out prize-winning prints whenever I want them.

So, I got home tonight, ate my dinner, and then proceeded to gather a few of the memory cards I need to organize and copy. Sat down at said computer and proceeded to become even more confused. I have photos saved and re-saved; files are saved and re-named..... It is more than four hours later, and I don't know for sure WHERE or HOW MANY of the photos I've looked at tonight ARE!!!!!!

I've taken the advice of experts, and have temporarily forsaken the professional program of Photoshop that was a gift from my niece. A co-worker of hers suggested that I try and download Picassa, a free program that is immensely easier to use, and I should be happier with that. As soon as I plugged THAT baby in, it sucked EVERY photo on my computer, including all photos that were in my INBOX in Outlook Express to one gigantic file of PHOTOS!! Not only was that somewhat disconcerting, but it did not have the capable of designing a personalized birthday card, which is just one of the tricks I am hell-bent on doing with my photos!

Tonight, I decided to try to use the HP program that came with my computer. A few people have said that it is a pretty decent program. I sat down, pulled up the program, even thoroughly read the tutorial....and plugged in my memory card. The photos flew into my computer, and, theoretically, were ready to work with...... HAH!!!!! Four hours later, I have two discs worth of photos in one file, all of them titled "Jimmy Buffett concert 2007"--twice!!!! For some reason, I have not been able to separate them from each other and make what I thought were simple files!!!! I am just about ready to run to Wal-mart and just dump everything on discs and call it quits..... I am going crazy and it is all a certain, un-named computer Super-Geek's fault!!!!

Chicago's Public Transportation -- Best Kept Secret...

I used to visit the Big City Down Below for just a few events, usually within walking distance of the train station, or a cheap cab fare. I've been venturing farther afield since I've been able to find my way around other major cities.... Why not learn to get around in my own back yard, so to speak?

The reason I never ventured onto a public bus in the past is that I had no idea where I was going, nor how to figure out the bus system. For awhile, a friend of mine lived downtown, and she gave me a taste of the "El"; showed me the Blue Line, the Orange Line.... She no longer lives there, so to venture farther, I am on my own. I found a brochure in one of the train stations for using certain buses for particular events or destinations. I found a flaw in the system on Friday, when I traveled south to check out a zoo I haven't visited since my daughter was in second grade.

Drove to a nearby town to catch the Metra; found a parking spot at the far end of the lot about four blocks from the station. Even figured out how to pay the Day Fare for the lot~~ fancy machines! Who'd'a thought?

Once inside the downtown Terminal, I even figured out which door to exit to catch the correct bus. My biggest problem was exiting said bus. The brochure had said to get off on Washington. It just didn't say WHERE to get off on Washington. I got off on the first chance near Washington, no thanks to the VERY unfriendly bus-driver -- according to her, she had no idea where I was supposed to meet the next bus.... Thank you very much.....

Well, I figured out that the little signs at bus stops had a bit of a legend - what bus, where is goes, etc. However, I couldn't find a sign that read "Bus 151". Walking a little ways, I spotted Millenium Park ahead, and the photographer in me took over -- The "Bean" hadn't been exposed the last time I was there, so I HAD to go see it. Got some great shots, too. Okay, so 30 photos later, I find myself on Michigan Avenue, two blocks farther north than I started. I knew that wasn't a bad thing, but I'll be dipped in caramel if I could find a place to pick up the 151 bus, or anyone who could tell me how to find it!!!! Four people sent me blocks out my way looking for a Trolley; three people couldn't speak any English; the Trolley folks informed me that the Trolley wasn't running (wonder why I saw them coming and going once I did arrive at the zoo!); and one kind young man actually handed me a photocopied map and showed me where to pick up the 151 bus (two blocks away). Whew!

The Zoo was great~~ even introduced myself to some of the volunteers and got some inside information, such as names, breeding status, etc of some of the animals. Yes, saw two of the young red wolves slinking through the habitat. Hopefully, my two photos of them will come out okay... I do agree with natural habitat for the animals, but at National Zoo and at Lincoln Park, they certainly take "natural" to extremes. The habitat here was so dense and overgrown, it was only a fluke that I was able to spot the two youngsters. They were actually only about 10 to 20 FEET from the fence in a clear spot where the creek went through. People complain about OUR wolves!

The Polar Bear was putting on a show. He had a large, PVC cone that he was trying to sink. He really was animated! We were far above him, watching through glass, but in the right spot, he was quite a sight to see. His partner was much less extroverted, and swimming gracefully on the other side of the pool. There were workman blocking off the viewing area for the underwater window, or those would have been good photos, too. Oh, well..... By 5:00, I figured I'd better catch a Trolley or bus back to the train......

After asking three people, I was directed to the Main Information Office and finally told that the Trolley doesn't run up here except for the weekends. I went out front and figured out I had to cross the street to catch the 151 bus again, and head back to the train station. Goofy thing here was THIS bus went all the way to the train station, didn't have to jump off for anything! Thank God -- no telling where I would have ended up this time!

An hour and a half later, I was back to my car, and nearly kissed the steering wheel when I got in! It sure felt good to step on the gas pedal and go where and when I wanted!!!! The way I use my car, I can't imagine being slave to the Public Transportation System.... Now to solve the gas crisis!

To Be, Or Not To Be, Move, Build, Go Crazy.....

As usual, it is the end of a long day, and I am tired. This is the last day of my vacation, and I have not gotten enough done.

No, I didn't go anywhere. Let's see.... I spent the first day at a seminar; the second day I drove to Madison, about 70 miles away for a Bead Show. Nice, intimate little thing -- I was not overwhelmed, for a change. So many of the shows these days are GIANORMOUS and upon arrival one becomes instantly overwhelmed, and you can never "SEE EVERYTHING"! Not the case here. It was small, lightly attended, and I had a chance to talk with several vendors and other artists. Wonderful!

On the way home from there, I stopped at a house model and talked to a wonderful couple about building a house. Yes, I'm considering......BUT..... first I had to talk to the bank....

Monday found me at the bank first thing. I'd set up the appointment last week, so I had a list of questions for the dear man. He was incredibly informative, and was very patient with my "Okay, if I do it THIS way...." form of questioning. Bottom line was that he wants me to DO NOTHING at all, including building a garage, until I find out what I can list my home for. Turns out the house I was lusting after did indeed go under contract in May, but that fell through. Now the sellers have taken it off the market until next Spring. (??) I have two realtors to call to list my own home, however, after months of neglect (we spend five months cleaning out my mother's home -- going 40 minutes away nearly every evening and on weekends), then spending two months driving my ailing Laborador 70 miles each way to Chicago for doctor visits until he died. Then I allowed myself about a month to grieve, in which I pretty much did nothing at all. Well, almost nothing ~~ my job lately, has been hell, and I've been working like a house elf with about as much respect, so, yeah, I've been pretty much burnt out and exhausted, too. Result is that my tiny, little house looks more like a storage unit than a home. I had been thinking that the property would be split and sold as vacant land, or I would stay and build on it. Turns out, it can't be split, so if I sell, I need to make it look inhabitable. Ew. If I stay, I will probably spend more money, so the smart thing is to move the hell out, and buy something decent!
The Good Thing is that the house I wanted is available, and waiting for me; the Bad News, is that I am packing and cleaning like crazy!~ Talk about an obsession!!! I sure wish I knew what I'm going to be when I grow up!!!

The World Is My Oyster!

Today is the second day of my vacation!!!!!

It is really weird, I slept all the way to 6:30 this morning, did some computer work, a couple games of Spider Solitaire, then fed the critters, and took off for a Bead Show in Madison. Silly me, I plugged in old Bitch in the Box. I drove most of the way there arguing with her, but not knowing where the hotel was actually located, I finally let her lead the way. About ten miles ahead of time, she took us off the freeway and took me through about half a dozen little towns and finally into the back entrance of said hotel. I had no clue where I was, but I went inside to the Bead Show.

Upon leaving the show, I spotted a Noodles and Company across the street, and being the Carboholic that I am, needed some lunch. I was going to stop at a model home on the way home, and wasn't sure how far I was from the target city. I figured, I'd tell Bitch in the Box the crossroads I was headed for and find out how long it would take to get there. I didn't dare ask for "Home", because I was afraid she'd take me there via the Mackinack Bridge or something. Well, looking up a location by crossroads was a bust. The highway I was looking for has about four names, none of which were recognized by BIAB..... Neither was the Freeway, under the three names I could think of for THAT! Forget it!!!!!

I pressed the button for "Home" and crossed my fingers. She started with: "Go to start of route". I had no clue. Luckily, I have a compass in my car, and I headed for the East exit of the parking lot. That did the trick... Turned out I was deep in the middle of one of those weird megaplexes that contain apartment houses, hotels, shopping centers (several), frontage roads everywhere, and the freeway was less than a mile away. Whew! At that point, I knew pretty much where I wanted to go. I left BIAB on to see what she'd come up with from there. I had purposely asked for "Mostly Freeways" to get there. Believe it or not, she took me way too seriously, and instantly added 20 miles to the route home. When I got off the Freeway, and was heading directly to my home, she kept requesting a "legal U-turn" and wanted me to head for the Freeway again, no matter how far away from it we were traveling.

Again, I digress.... I am on vacation! Fun stuff! Bead Show. It has occurred to me that I need to get out of the office I work in and find some means of support either making jewelry, or working with my camera. Being with these like-minded people, I feel relaxed, free, and utterly inspired. Normal people don't notice my unusual jewelry when I am in a mix such as today. At a gathering of artists, my jewelry is always noticed. Of course, at functions such as this, EVERYONE has on some piece of new and unusual bauble, and mine is usually different. You know, for years and years and years, I have resisted doing the craft show/art show scene. But, after reading up on quite a bit of stuff to market my photography and jewelry, it seems that I need to attend exactly that. I've always wished for a marketing person to come forward and just perform miracles, sell my stuff, make me famous.... I guess I'm looking for a Fairy Godmother! I'm essentially living in a place where this kind of thing is sought-after. I'll have to become known as a "local artisan"......

For sale: Hand-crafted jewelry, art photography.....

House: To Buy or To Build.....

Okay, so my situation is slightly unique.... Fourteen years ago, I found this little cracker box to purchase. I was going to "show up" a boyfriend who kept talking about moving up here, but could never get away from the old apron strings -- you know the type -- 40 years old, living at home, trying to figure out what he wanted to be when he grew up -- to be fair, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, either, but I at least make my own decisions.... and live on my own.

Anyway, he kept talking about moving up North, and I certianly wanted to, as well. He wasn't doing anything about it, so I did. It was kind of cool at the time. I found an ad in the little Sunday Advertiser: Cute, 2-bedroom Cottage on 12 lots. Dirt cheap! I decided before I saw it that if it was at all inhabitable, I was going to make it mine! Put it this way, it had a roof and windows, and the yard was SPECTACULAR!!!! It is more than half an acre and a veritable clean slate. I had a damned good job at which I was being well-paid and I loved it. I wrangled buying the house, coerced my boyfriend into helping me install a new water heater; found a local handyman who helped me with a few other minor things; at that time, there was a junk man who was all too thrilled to pick up the mountain of trash that we pulled out of the house, the shed, the crawlspace; I even found a used furniture dealer who picked up the vinyl davenport and formica bedroom set. I spent the first winter nearly freezing to death because the place had no insulation, and the gas-fired space heater in the living room was all I had!

The plan was to build a garage with a loft, move in there, then tear down the house and rebuild THAT. My initial plan included just adding on to the house and raising the roof. Then, silly me, I realized that the original part of the house was under constructed: not only was there NO foundation, but the joists were 24 inches on center, not the prescibed 16 inches. I had moved in on December 5th, so I just hunkered down and weathered the winter. I installed my driveway for Mother's Day. I spent the spring and early summer researching the garage. Found out that NO building permit was needed at that time, and all I had to do was hire a builder! I got two estimates for the garage, and just needed to secure the financing. And then I was laid off from the infamous MEGACONGLOMERATE GE. Well, I didn't have to be laid off, I could have moved to New Jersey to keep my job at the same pay, without any help with moving expenses..... Who could resist THAT?

I digress.... the job layoff meant a halt to any building plans. Heck, as the following several years proved -- Yes, SEVERAL years -- it called a halt to any planning I could possibly have done AT ALL! I temped for pittance for way too long. The only reason I didn't LOSE the house was because the bank didn't want the cheap little shack! I eventually found a job, and began to build my life again. I was working two jobs and getting to the point of being able to start thinking about improving my circumstances when I was diagnosed with cancer! I'm fine now, but a year of treatment, several more years of rebuilding my body and paying off medical bills, and I am back to thinking about improving my living arrangements.

SO..... back in January, I started talking to builders to get an estimate on a garage. I figured that if I started in January, I'd have a good chance of getting the garage on my lot by Mother's Day. Well.....it is now August. I have talked with no less than 8 builders. I have two estimates that are enough to install a pool, a bathhouse and hire a cabana boy full time, and no word from the rest of the gang. There were actually two groups of them.... Once the first group was either too high or non-existant, I was so exhausted and discouraged, I started to look for another house. First day out the door, I found my "dream home". It had a yard nearly as big as my current one, four bedrooms, an extra large garage. The icing on top of the cake is that it is within a half-block of the lake! I could walk my kayak down to the water and be off!

But before I could write a contract, someone else had written one, with fewer contingencies. I mourned for a few days, then decided that Someone bigger than me was making a decision for me. I dug up a couple more names, called up builders, and requested more estimates for my poor, doomed garage.......

It is currently three weeks later. I have no estimates for garage in hand. I am tired to death of this so-called game. I called the realtor about the house I so dearly coveted. The contract fell through, and the house is available again. I have made an appointment with the bank; that's tomorrow. I have made another appointment to see said house AGAIN. Monkey wrench: when I called a realtor to take a look at my house and list that, she indicated that it would have to be listed as vacant land and the sale probably wouldn't pay off my mortgage....... ARRRGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!

SQUARE ONE: Call a builder, get an estimate on a garage.......

Reading, Writing and Music

Yes, I mentioned writing.... I have to do more of it. I need to take my nose out of other people's books first, however.....
Been reading:
Finally read Stephen King's From a Buick 8. Don't ask me why I didn't read it when it came out like I usually do, but, stuff happens, doesn't it? Yes, King has gone off the deep end into outer space Abyss, but this one had enough of his old Thriller style in it to keep me turning the pages. My only complaint is that he kind of summarized the ending, and didn't really end it at all..... I guess it's his way of making you consider that there really isn't an answer. I was disappointed because I read to escape reality -- I don't need more of the same!
Trying to understand Photoshop for Dummies. I'm losing the game.... I've heard over and over again that if you GET it, it is a great program. However, it is also the most complained about program out there. When I lament my lack of understanding to my daughter, I get a mini-lecture that I need to switch over to Mac and leave the PC behind. The whole computer process is starting to feel like a soul-sucking cancer that can't be cured!!!!!
I was stewing a little on Saturday. Back in February, I took the bait, and Pre-ordered the last volume of Harry Potter to guarantee that I would have my very own on July 21st. I should have checked the calender. I received a notice on Wednesday the 18th that my book had shipped. There were some strict rules about the tome not to be delivered before the Saturday release date. That concerned me because the tracking number indicated that it was shipped via UPS, which, to my knowledge, doesn't deliver to residences on Saturdays. The tracking number showed on the website that the book was in transit, and out for delivery on Friday. As of 6pm on Friday, I didn't have my Harry Potter book. I was debating whether to go out and join the masses at Wal-Mart or wherever, and purchase the book again at midnight, when it would be released. Laziness won out; I went to bed instead. After all, I wasn't so excited that I would be reading it IMMEDIATELY!
I awoke on Saturday and nearly forgot about the magic book. I went about my day as usual, and upon returning home at 4 pm, I picked up my mail. There in the mailbox was my Harry Potter book. Strangely enough, apparently UPS has some kind of deal with the post office, so that something like this gets delivered to the post office during UPS hours, then the post office is instructed to hold it until the correct day. Who'da thunk? Anyway, as I said, I haven't cracked the cover yet.... well, I did. For the first time in my entire life, I checked out the last page...... Nope, not gonna tell you.... I am going to read the book from the beginning, and you should too!
While I'm driving around and doing other things, I've been listening to a book-on-CD: Nora Ephron's I Feel Bad About My Neck. Nora has quite a resume of writing.... When Harry Met Sally, Silkwood; and a lot of credits directing. I've not saying that this book sucks - I have laughed at quite a few topics, some belly laughs, some uncomfortable chuckles. The really bad thing about this is that Nora herself is reading the book. I don't think she could be more annoying if she was reading it in Pig Latin. I've seen her on TV, and she IS funny, but she reads with a wry monotone that is akin to scraping fingernails on a blackboard!
Harry Potter will be cracked once I'm through here, but don't hold your breath, I am a slow reader.
MUSIC: Need I say that I am wearing out "Meet Me In Margaritaville"? I'm getting excited about the upcoming Jimmy Buffett concert next week. I know, crazy, but it's going to take me all week to decide what to wear! I'm a newbie where this is concerned. My first JB concert, believe it or not. So I'm a Late Bloomer! Actually, the more I learn about Jimmy Buffett and his music, I realize that I didn't like his early music way back when, and I still don't particularly care for the early music. Some of it was kind of folksy, but a lot of it was difficult to understand the words. I guess I'm a purist. If I can't understand the words with the music, I turn away. That has ended up eliminating a lot of popular music from my personal list! I want to know the words, and I love to sing out loud in the car! "Meet Me In Margaritaville" is apparently a "Best of..." compendium of some really great tunes. My favorite from this one is "Fruitcakes". At first listen, a goofy, fun and tuneful piece that makes people smile. But the deep dark true meaning makes me smile even wider. I love the words and twist of meaning. If you know JB's music, you're probably wondering what rock I've been living under. If you DON'T know JB, you are probably rolling your eyes and wondering what rock I'm living under. C'est la vive!

Everyday Craziness

All right, I do realize I come off as a little goofy. Case in point: I was very excited to attend the Midwest Folk and Fiber Fair just a half an hour from home today. About eight months ago, I became interested in the fine art of wool spinning. Looking into it ever so slightly, I thought I'd check into hand spinning, since it would require very little expense and just a little hand-held tool. When I mentioned this to a co-worker, he was most anxious to upload a full sized spinning wheel from his basement, and my little quest was launched FULL SIZE!
Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on which side of the fence you reside, learning to spin has opened up an entirely new venue for me. That means that mybrain is just revved up at max RPMs, thinking up great ideas for projects that I will never have the time to execute, even if I live to be 163 years old! A year ago, I started a notebook of IDEAS. I carry it around with me, and in moments of repose, I experience intense bouts of creative muse visitations. The longer I carry the notebook, the more frustrated I become, because I DON'T HAVE THE TIME to do most of the wonderful things I think of!
Obviously, an adventure such as today usually brings up no fewer than 6 to a dozen new ideas and variations of existing ideas. I drive myself nuts! I found yarns that I didn't yet own, others that could be combined with what I do have, and even crafts that I haven't yet tried. For the most part, I was able to resist, but there was one item that I had to ask about, ending up purchasing the yarn to make the item and received the pattern for it free with the purchase. I considered myself very lucky at that. I came away with my head spinning with ideas, and a renewed yen to get my tools out and create!
I met a lot of people, and talked to many like-minded souls, male and female alike. One would think that a YARN show would be strictly female-attended, but there is an incredible number of males in the business and they are not gay -- neither are they single, though, as every one of them had a very close Significant Other helping them with the booth, etc. Some of them were involved because they were the ones who ran the sheep or goat herd; others were in the wheel business, and seemed to enjoy the mechanics of the spinning wheel--every one of them could also spin. One gentleman was the husband of a yarn-shop-keeper, and his talent was as producer/writer of the Care Bears shows. He was touting and signing a murder/mystery book and was so entertaining, I bought his book! Get this: apparently he has a definite "IN" for his book, because he has 12 books outlined and plans to release two a year so far...... Maybe I need to stay home and do my own writing......

WINAJOBINKEYWEST!!!!!

I didn't.
February 2006, Thelma and I traveled to Key West to see what there was to see. I'd scheduled a kayak trip for the two of us, despite Thelma's protests that she couldn't swim and had never been kayaking. I shushed her concerns when I tempted her with the possibility of seeing Sea Turtles and sharks. The way to a woman's heart......
Anyway, we arrived for the kayak trip, and I talked to the people in charge and explained Thelma's concerns. They obligingly rescheduled us on a shorter trip that would be much more comfortable for such a beginner. We had a wonderful, laid-back tour of the little causeway and through the mangroves. Our tour guide found us lots of sea-life, but alas, no Sea Turtles or sharks.
Upon my arrival home, I went online to see what else Lazy Dog Kayaks had to offer (always have my future trips in mind). Opening page of their website was an announcement to "Win a Job In Key West"! The outfitter was looking for an addition to their staff (which they later named Director of Growth (DOG). The plan was to elicit essays/applications from prospects, along with a $10 fee to cover their expenses. They would hold the application time open until April 30th, 2007. Being an aspiring writer, I saw this as a distinct opportunity. I proceeded to enter "chapters" once a month, each time, using the seasons, current news, things that were happening in my own life, and often quoting Jimmy Buffett songs as part of my 300-word essay. Last fall, I received a phone call from a reporter from the Miami Herald and granted a phone interview that appeared in a Sunday edition. The website had a blog, and my name was on the monthly "favorites" list a few times. About half-way through the "contest" it was announced that a famous Reality Show Producer lived down there and caught wind of the unique employee search. It was proposed that the idea be made into a reality show. There wasn't a lot of information released, but apparently there was some brainstorming going on at the Lazy Dog location. Once April 30th rolled around, my name was still on the list of finalists. I waited anxiously for word about our next step.
That happened to be a five-minute video submission, outlining our current life, or what we planned to do for Lazy Dog. We were going to be judged on creativity, etc. I had no clue -- I love photography and aspire to be a much sought-after artiste, but a 5-minute video of my life?????? I devised a script, had my friend Thelma help me with the first segment, then carried my little digital around, filling in the rest of my script, including help from both my dogs. The final seg, I filmed myself next to my kayak in my dry and grassy back yard, with good ol' JB playing on the boombox in the background. I had to take the memory card to another friend's house and have her husband help me put it together into a MOVIE, on DVD. That was a funny episode -- I spent two evenings going crazy with something that SHOULD HAVE BEEN SIMPLE. Giving it over to Matt, I found out my camera records in MAC, and I was trying to work in PC..... fine, I will NEVER get this computer crap straight.....
Anyway, I sent off the DVD, had to go Next Day Air by the time I got it put together. And I WAITED. A week later, I still hadn't heard. I was saving my vacation days for the week they indicated for the interview process at the start of this saga. Finally, the following weekend, I went online again, to see if they'd posted any news there. They had. Seems Amy of New Hampshire had won the job. No interview process, no Reality Show. They'd decided that things were dragging out too long, and just picked someone! They promised that they were still considering the reality show thing, but at a later date.... stay tuned. How do you spell SPLGHFGHFGHGPDPGJGHF?

ELECTRONIC BATHROOM DEVICES or I Think I'm Invisible!!!!

I know, it's been awhile -- I have to get back to the drawing board here. Right now, I have a pressing need to voice my opinion of the latest trend: electronic bathroom devices... You know what I mean: Self-flushing toilets; automated paper towel dispensers. The other day, I heard some news about an automatic bathroom tissue dispenser. Maybe by the time I can't do it myself, there will be an automatic butt-wiper....
For starters, there is the auto-flush. These can be convenient: no need to balance on one foot while trying to flush the toilet without actually touching the lever anymore. Or, they can be a major nuisance!!! How about the Super-Duper Atomic Auto-Flush? If you are unfortunate enough to be sitting when this baby decides that you are finished, you will require an extra plush bath sheet sized towel to dry your derriere! And how about the famous "Bathroom Stall Boogie" for those times when the machine doesn't realize that you are finished, have buttoned yourself up, and don't want to exit the stall leaving the little mess behind you. I don't know about you, but I've waved my hands, bobbed up and down, tried to cover the "eye", all in the vain attempt to get the thing to FLUSH!!!!! Having to lean in and push that tiny nearly hidden button really defeats the purpose of the Auto-flush, doesn't it?
All of this is over and above the original frustration connected with using public rest rooms in the first place. I've often wondered what kind of gyrations a woman goes through to make the kind of mess I've encountered in that little stall at times. I saw a stand-up comedienne once who addressed that very subject. I remember the little dance she did to demonstrate just how badly the toilet gets messed up. I have to chuckle each time I think of it, and really, every time I encounter a not so delicately "watered" toilet seat!
From there, one goes to the sink to properly wash one's hands. There has always been some consternation at the public sink. Either one or the other faucet didn't work -- and who thought up the "separate faucets for hot and cold water" thing? How is that supposed to work? First you scald your hands, then you run ice cold water over them.... so sooth the pain? That is, IF they both work... usually the hot water one breaks... how does that happen? So, okay, cold water only.... And the whole concept of holding the lever down so the water will actually come out -- a person actually needs three hands to wash with these gems. Or, there are the new, improved electronic faucets -- they use an "eye" supposedly: you approach, the faucet senses you, the water comes out..... I really want to know how they work, because 9 times out of 10, I can't get those things to work!!!! I'm invisible to the little faucet guru! I'll stand there, totally at a loss, a ten-year-old girl walks up, puts her hands under the faucet, and washes her hands. I wait till she leaves, put my hands under the faucet; nothing. Somebody, somewhere has all this on tape and is laughing their asses off!
Now there is the automatic paper towel dispenser.... I have never had a problem with those... why is that? Why is that little gem of ingenuity flawless? Strange.
The announcement about the auto toilet paper dispenser said that there would be a measured amount of paper dispensed. Recently Sheryl Crow announced that we should all limit ourselves to only three squares of paper per use. The dispenser people have said that they are aware of the ideals of conserving our resources but realize people need more than three squares to do the job, so they will be setting the dispensers for five squares per dispense. Yay. I can tell you now that I'll probably be taking a little more time in the bathroom when those puppies come out! Check it out! Next time you use the john, go ahead and unroll what you need, then count the squares. See where you sit on the Conservation Meter. Let's all be embarassed.

I'm So Confused!!!!

Life is getting way too crazy, and I just checked out for a short time. Most people, including my GP think I am home and nursing yet another bad asthma attack. Actually, the reason I HAD the asthma attack was that my world was closing in on me. It's really handy being off the beaten track -- everyone I know feels that I live "out of the way" and "too far". At times like this, that is fine.

With life spinning out of control at work, it is having a bad effect on my personal life, and my health, and my sanity... -- I have several phone calls from friends I haven't returned since last week sometime. That's inexcuseable!

I have seriously been pretty much bedridden since Friday, and just this afternoon started feeling like sitting up. During my convelescence, I made the following observations:

Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 real days in jail. First, she was arrested for DUI. Then she was arrested for speeding, and driving with a suspended license. Her words: "I didn't know my license was suspended!" I would like to know what hugely important business Paris is involved in that she forgets that her license is suspended. As far as I know her only business is being Paris Hilton. Which takes this tirade just a little further: the rich bitch must have 40 people around her at all times -- are you going to tell me that not one of them is going to argue with her about going out driving alone in the current state of her affairs? Makes me a little more ill.

Brittany Spears: I wondered who the heck she was when she first broke the sound barrier. Now the hoopla is that she is out touring with her music. My question on this one: What music? Between BS and Jessica Simpson, I am still trying to find out why THEY are famous!!!!

Okay, enough about "Entertainment Tonight". Did you watch the Kentucky Derby? GREAT RACE!!! I saw the interview with another jockey and got a kick out of the comment he made about his horse having "gears" - that he could pour on the gas when he needed it. That certainly seemed to work for Street Sense. Cool race. I watched it between sections of a Rachel Ray Bio. I really feel sorry for all the people who went to all kinds of bother and expense for the, what, three minutes of excitement?!

Which brings me to Rachel Ray... That should have been me!!!! Rachel Ray -- however you feel about her is really something else as a mover/shaker/go-getter. Dishwasher, waitress, candy counter manager, grocery store demonstrator, small town features personality to where she is now....... Whew! I've got to link all my crazy stuff together to make it look like a stepping stone. Maybe my problem is that I still don't know what I want to be..... I'll have to think on that and get back to you.

Bitch In A Box -- the saga continues

I recently answered a survey, saying that "no, I am not the one in my crowd who is first to buy electronic gadgets". I lied -- I didn't realize, that yes, I am! I have an MP3 player -- not an iPod; I have a wonderful digital camera; I have a fancy cell phone that my daughter sent me -- it takes pictures, and I could "text" to anyone if I knew someone who knew how to text back.....
The object of today's tirade is my new GPS -- AGAIN -- or, as I call it: the Bitch In A Box.
I took off from work early today because I had an appointment with a special vet for my dog. I live in Southeastern Wisconsin, and the vet is 73 miles away, just outside downtown Chicago. I map-quested directions, and according to Mapquest the directions were fairly straightforward and simple -- I was confident they were right. I don't go too far out of my own territory, so the Bitch in a Box may have been a mistake. I felt guilty not using her, so I took her out of the bag and plugged her in before leaving.
I started out arguing with her, because I had to go past my local vet's office to pick up x-rays. BIAB was happy when I got back on the road. As we got into the suburbs of Chicago, I knew the best ways to get straight to the expressway, and she kept telling me to "make the first legal U-turn". I kept telling her to shut up. I'm not going to forget about the time she made me do two U-turns in a row. Once on the expressway, I figured we'd be pretty much in sync and she'd do well to get me to the vet's.
Well, I was wrong. For some unknown reason (to me, anyway) BIAB kept trying to get me to get off the expressway WAY before the Mapquest prescribed turn-off. That wouldn't have been too bad, but she was directing me in the opposite direction of where I was pretty sure I wanted to go!!! I held steady, and as we approached the vet's location, she smugly informed me that my destination was "just ahead on the right" as if she had been telling me this route all along.... I wasn't fooled.
Once we finished at the vet, I plugged old BIAB back in and asked her to get me home by the shortest route. Okay! She started right out by getting me out of the parking lot and pointed in the right direction! Not only that, but the 73 mile route from Mapquest became only 70 miles now, so right away, she was winning me over. Instead of east to the expressway again, she headed me north. "Okay, she knows a better route" I thought. Well, we drove, and drove, and drove. "Turn right in 2.1 miles" "Turn left in .5 miles" "Stay on this road for 3.2 miles" "Turn left in .2 miles" -- and so on, and so on.... A half hour later, she'd gotten me 8 miles from the vet's office, it was getting dark, I was hungry, and BIAB was taking me through neighborhoods my ex-boyfriends would not have driven through. I found myself wishing I had a Rottweiler in the backseat instead of a sweet-looking Golden Lab with the friendliest face on the planet.
I followed her directions for another ten minutes, and we had whittled another 3 miles off the original 70. Woo-hoo! I found myself in yet another vaguely familiar-sounding neighborhood, with no sign of an expressway. Another ten minutes and I had 3 glimpses of the expressway, and I was beginning to gain heart again. No such luck. BIAB was bound and determined that I cruise the Northern Suburbs of Chicago, seemingly for eternity! I was tempted to go back to the vet's and just follow Mapquest's directions, backwards. Couldn't have been any worse than what I was experiencing. Finally, finding myself at the 150th stoplight and wondering if my locks were secure -- oh sure, Lone White Woman in Nice SUV -- "come and get me!" written in neon.... I hit the "reroute" button and asked for "Fastest" route. This time, BIAB wanted me to head for the nearest expressway route, which was the southern suburbs expressway, and head south!!!!!! I need to see if there is a "preview" screen to see what in the HELL this thing is thinking!!!!!! I was already in the Northern Suburbs, just a little too far east for my thinking. BIAB was acting bitchy, and I swear, just out of spite, was sending me to the southwest suburbs before she was going to turn me toward HOME!!!!!
I finally found a main artery that I was familiar with -- at least I knew where it would come out. I took it. Several times, BIAB told me to turn right and take some road I knew was going to go through Stop and Go Light Hell. When she didn't get her way, she wanted me to do U-turns. When I kept going, she'd pick another road to try to get me lost. She is amazing!!! Even as we got near home, she wanted me to take some stupid side road that went through a subdivision instead of the straight line highway to home.
I am confused... I didn't see a "scenic route" option, nor a "most stoplights in the world" option. I am going to be taking BIAB for rides to familiar destinations just to see what the bitch is trying to do. This is wrong, as far as I can see. It isn't a tool, it's a Brain-Teaser Toy, destined to drive me crazy, or just someplace I won't be able to get home from!
Maybe my problem is that I am the original "Mrs. Todd" from Stephen King's "Mrs. Todd's Shortcut". Wherever I am, I will find the best, shortest, quickest route to wherever I am going. I have Gazetteers for both Illinois and Wisconsin, along with metro maps for several frequently visited cities, a US Atlas, a World Atlas, plus the Mapquest address bookmarked into my "Favorites"on both my home and work computer. I got lost last week, trying to find a house 30 miles from my house, in a tiny town that doesn't have it's own zip code. The directions I'd been given were null and void when it was discovered that the main road I was supposed to take was out for reconstruction. BIAB couldn't even find the town I was looking for, let alone the street address!
So, what is the solution? Is there a class to learn how to deal with this woman? First thing I want to do is change her voice..... As I've said before - a male, Aussie accent would be Divine....
I think I'll plug her in tomorrow, and give her my work address. I'm 4.7 miles from work, and it's a straight line.... I'll let you know if I have to call in and tell them I'll be late because I'm lost.... Wish me luck!

I Love the Post Man!!!!!

So, today was drudge, drudge, drudge. Usually, I am a free spirit at work, and get there just before my start time, take about 36 minutes for lunch, instead of 30, and relish the last half hour when I am the only one in the office. Yay! That is the only time I will stay as long as it takes me to finish my work. Of course, no one in "power" sees that side of me, and the little rebel in me refuses to bend to the "accepted" way of doing things. Today, I started 45 minutes early, cut my lunch short by about 5 minutes, and worked an extra 45 minutes afterward. On the way home, I remembered that we were out of dog food as of this morning, and unless I wanted to run out of cat food by feeding my canines cat food, I had to get to the pet store for food. I drove to a neighboring town and hit the box store for my 41 pounds of uncontaminated dog food. Then I decided to treat myself to a decent meal and dropped into the local Mexican eatery -- no, not a Taco Hell, but a real, honest-to-goodness, family-run Mexican restaurant, run by a father and son, waitstaffed with latino senoritas, and patronized by local Mexican people.
Dragging myself home, I stopped at my tilted mailbox (a great game with the local snow-plow driver -- "Get the Mailboxes!!!!!") and pulled out an armload of goodies! I couldn't wait to get them home to see what I'd received.
First, there was the new $3 coupon for the Big Box Pet Store I like; then there was the invitation to the local car dealer offering great prizes to match their numbers. I love going there and arguing with the turkey at the desk about cars, then claiming my $2 McD's coupon, or my $2000 shopping spree on the internet (haven't found anything yet that I want to buy from them). I maintain the hope that one day, they will slip and award me the $10,000 prize.
The best thing I received in the mail today was my long-sought-after 1937 tome by Irving Tressler: "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People". Call me weird, but I found this little gem ages ago when I was about 10 or 12. I'd read just about every other book in the local library (this was also before libraries shared books to expand your horizons) when I came across Tressler's book. You need to understand that I've always been a bit of a smartass, even as a child. This was especially horrid, because I was a Catholic child. Arguments with the nuns about whether or not my pet dog would go to heaven got me bad marks right from the start. Add a sardonic wit, and a penchant for not keeping my mouth shut, and I was trouble right there. Add a book such as Tressler's and all bets are off.
I was browsing the website of one of the large bookstores, when I noticed the button: Used and Out of Print. I'd looked for this book over the years: back at the original library, at book sales, used book shops, other websites, you name it! I hit this button, and typed in the name of the book, and up it came! At a bargain price, no less! I was thrilled and ordered it immediately. Receiving it in the mail at the end of this long and arduous day just brightened everything for me.
For instance, the book opens with "10 Things This Book Will Do For You:
1. Get you out of a mental rut. This isn't the rutting season anyhow. What are you doing in it?
2. Arouse enthusiasm amoung your friends -- enthusiasm for sudden engagements they just remembered.
3. Give you 10-15 more miles per gallon and relieve you of any flat tires you get stuck with.
4. Replace tick-tack-toe games at lectures.
5. Get you out of distasteful social engagements quicker than you got into them.
6. Give you those quiet evenings alone you've yearned for ever since the neighbors "accepted" you.
7. Decrease your influence, enable you to get twice as much done as before.
8. Teach you how to antagonize anyone, anywhere, anytime without the aid of dandruff.
9. Increase your happiness by decreasing that of others.
10. Replace pains in your neck with aches in your sides."

I know, sounds weird, but to my warped mind, it's just a little bit of ice cream, so to speak. I'm actually going to cut this short and go read my new book!

It's a Technical World

This world today, full of gadgets, toys, items that we just HAVE to HAVE. Tools that we can't live without. Planning a recent trip, I visited the idea that I wanted something to keep me company on a long trip. I'd tried the personal CD player, but apparently purchased such a cheap one that it didn't even work right out of the package. The MP3 Player was gaining ground, then everywhere you'd look, the iPod was wending it's way into our lives.
Call me crazy, but I just didn't want the "i" version of this latest gimmick. Half the world is trying to get me to change over to the MAC for computing, and I resist. I am a photographer and I resist. It is getting to the point that I may be bending, however, but for my last hurrah, I purchased a Creative Zen M for my personal portable stereo. I'm currently using it for photos that I want to show, as well. It works great -- I love the fact that I can work (vacuum, clean house, pack, you name it, and the thing plays away and keeps me going. I love music and usually play it loud. This may save my dogs' hearing. They are really wondering about the sudden bursts of dance, however. Alright, I have come crashing into the 21st Century with my MP3 player. I'm not done, yet.
On said recent trip, as I was signing for my rental car, the clerk asked me if I wanted to rent a GPS unit. Uncertain, I asked if it would be easy to use. He assured me he'd coach me before he sent me off, and I said yes. I was in Washington D.C. for the week, and although I was staying with my daughter, and knew my way into the city and to the airport, there were some side trips I was planning, so I figured the GPS would come in handy. My daughter and her husband had brought one with them when they came to the Midwest to visit, and I got a taste of how the thing worked at that time. I'd looked them up for pricing, etc and decided that they were handy, but just a bit pricey.
Using the GPS in Washington D.C. was quite a treat, however, and despite the new routes and new bridges, the unit got me to and from each of my destinations. I started to make up destinations just to try it out! When I missed an exit, it was quick to recalculate and get me back on track. When I stopped into a nearby Target, I passed an endcap that was advertising a sale on GPS units, and I was intrigued. The sale offered a substantial savings and I couldn't stop thinking about this new, potential toy. I decided that I had enough things to haul home, and wanted to wait until I returned to the Midwest. Upon returning home, I went to Target again, and the sale continued here, as well. I had to have the GPS unit.
My new toy came with it's own batteries, and reading through the brief manual, I learned that even though it was a different brand than the one I'd rented, it worked exactly the same. I put the mounting hardware together, and took the thing to work with me. I only work 4 miles away, and it's a straight shot down the highway, so that was no fun. The real joke came that evening after work when I had to go to a nearby town to pick up a UPS package that needed a signature. I'd never been to that town, and contrary to my usual habits, I didn't consult a map (you should see my map collection!) I had the address of the UPS facility, and entered that into the unit. I was under a time constraint, so I entered "quickest route".
Everything was going well, the unit indicates how many miles you have left to get to your destination, and I was watching the clock. The miles ticked by, the minutes ticked by. The facility was closing at 6:30, and at 6:21, I had 2.4 miles left to go. Barring an encounter with a freight train, I was going to make it on time. The GPS lady said: "Descend exit ramp and prepare to turn right". I did. At the stop sign, the GPS lady said: " Turn right onto the highway". I did. The GPS lady immediately said, "Make a legal U-turn at the first opportunity". I started to argue with her! "Make up your mind! You're supposed to know where we're going! Don't pick NOW to take me on a wild goose chase!!!!!!" I made a U-turn. Don't know if it was legal or not, but I was out in the middle of nowhere, I hoped it wouldn't matter. Heading back toward the freeway to the other side of the underpass, my little bitch-friend in the box glued to my windshield says: "Make a legal U-turn at the first opportunity"!!!!! I nearly ripped her off the windshield and sent her flying into the nearby soggy field. Swearing under my breath, I told her in no uncertain terms that I did not have the time to be playing games. I made another U-turn. I was hoping there was no one observing me doing all these u-turns and talking a blue-streak to no one in particular.
Just a quarter mile down the road, I found the UPS facility with only 2 minutes to spare. Bitch-woman-in-the-box didn't say a word until I was halfway into the driveway! Again, I was telling her off. I was smart enough to shut up as I pulled up to the building, as there were people coming and going in all directions. I used her again coming home, just to see what route she was going to take me. I am the original short-cut queen, so I didn't agree with what she suggested for our ride home. I have mixed feelings about this little genie, and until I get some more experience with it, I guess I'll reserve further comment. I am going to look into changing the voice to something male with an exotic accent -- I didn't think about that when I bought the thing. I'm figuring that kind of option would be great. I'll take directions from a sexy male -- Fabio, Hugh Grant.. whomever! Having a superior-sounding broad telling me to take a u-turn twice in a row just doesn't sit right with me.... we haven't gotten off on the right foot, I'm thinking!

Sex and the City....

Got your attention, didn't I? No, I'm not going to reveal much about MY life, other than you'll figure out I'm sitting in front of the TV and the computer, instead of out on the street, living my life in person.

Anyway, I am ever the "late-bloomer", late to discover Jimmy Buffet, late to discover photograpy, late to jump on the bandwagon for the program: Sex and the City... I have been surfing channels late at night and whenever I come across an episode of Sex and the City--- the surfing stops. Even if it's a rerun!! I don't exactly empathise with these women -- don't even know all their names. One is a whiney, kind of dumb, obviously raised rich brat; one is a way-too-edgy feminist who can't seem to decide if she wants to be tough or sweet and sexy; the third one is a forty-something sex kitten, ever on the prowl. The last, of course, is Carrie -- I don't even know for sure if that's how she spells her name -- Carrie makes me wonder what the big deal is about this show. Yes, I watch it regularly, but REALLY, what is it about this show? Carrie Bradshaw looks a little shopworn in the close-ups - she certainly isn't THE show stopper. Her taste in clothes rivals mine for being creative, nay, bizarre in what she chooses to wear. Come on, downtown New York City, and a grown woman, admittedly over 30 years of age, wearing what looks like the top only of a pair of pink baby-doll pajamas? Or a bountiful sheer scarf wrapped over a bra and panties?

And the men!!!! Okay, THAT's why I watch regularly - John Corbett for one. When she first met him, she spent a full episode wrestling with the fact that he wanted her, but he didn't like her smoking. Hmmmm, a cigarette, or John Corbett..... What was the question? That Mr. Big that she spent so much time on, not even a type, just a self-centered jerk..... I mean, look at my record -- I have a pattern, albeit and really BAD pattern, but you can pretty much write up a "type" from my past mistakes. Carrie, on the other hand, just keeps going on down the line -- some of them have something in common with her, others are just rich, and/or randy. I don't know, maybe it's the stage of hormones or something, but I just can't see the point.

It's Monday, It's Monday, It's Monday......

Yes, indeed, today is Monday; work day, weird day. Had to go off to the chain gang this morning. The boss is out of town, so the head pit boss was less pitbull than pit boss. Pissed her off a few times because things were slow, so I pulled out a book. Drives her nuts!!! Anyway, got that out of the way after only about 8 1/2 hours. Whew.

Hightailed it home where I was seeking refuge from the crazies and weirdos of the world. Was stopped by my new neighbor who, strangely enough goes by the same name I do. Funny part is, she is about a head taller, much bigger -- all ways, has the most wonderful head of blonde, corkscrew curly, long hair (I am insanely jealous of anyone who has hair remotely like I used to have) opposed to my short brown do. She drives a truck, while I sit at a desk all day. But, personally, we seem to gel otherwise. She's tough and single, just like I am - we make each other laugh. She's promising to introduce me to the man of my dreams. I'll hold reservations to that, since she told me that her ex is out of jail today, and I should call the police if I see anybody acting suspiciously around her house. Oh great.

We stood and talked for awhile, watching our NEW neighbor move in next door. Couldn't quite tell who is moving in, since the former tenant's son's girlfriend was busy driving through the yard to the back of the garage to pull out whatever crap the parents had left behind when the moved out last week; the landlord was in and out, apparently doing some last minute repairs and upgrades, a white truck kept coming and going -- new neighbor or nosey friend? I don't know....

In the nearly fourteen years I've lived here, I have endured about 7 or 8 years of a domineering husband screaming and shouting at this wife and four kids; numerous dogs tied out under the trees in all weather (I single-handedly orchestrated taking at least 5 animals from them for better homes -- still thinking about the full-blooded Golden Retriever I should have taken and was eventually stolen from them) and who rode the perimeter of the yard on his teeny-tiny mini-bike in his Chicago Bears zebra print sweat pants, satin Bears jacket and skunk cap, complete with tail, all his waking hours (and it seemed that he didn't work a lot). Oh how I prayed for a gas crisis at that time! The house sat empty for nearly two years, and now there's been three tenants in six months. What could the new neighbor have in store for us?

Maybe I don't want to know that, either.

I AM A HOMEOWNER....... Blah!

When I'm not so tired and harrassed, I have to admit that I would rather OWN my own home and do my own house and yard work than RENT ANYTHING from what usually ends up being the world's worst excuse for a slum landlord.

I know, I know, I spread myself too thin to keep housework and yardwork on a schedule, but I do get most things done, eventually, and when the yard is done, it looks spectacular! I ran away from all other responsibilities yesterday (no, I didn't leave my Mother sitting at the dentist office or anything like that), but I just ignored the phone, cut my relaxing cups of coffee short, put on my grubbies, and started out by trolling the property for loose sticks that would act as projectiles if hit by the lawn tractor. Then I pooper-scooped the yard -- broke a good pooper-scooper in the process -- I guess it was inevitable -- I think it was about 8 years old.... Then because the grass was so wet -- what is it with such heavy dew, lately???? Because the main grass was so wet, I got the push mower out and did the trimming FIRST. That worked okay, but I swear that push-mower has a gas tank capacity of a half-cup. Once I'd filled the thing about 3 times, an hour and a half had passed, and the grass was a little more dry.

I oiled and gassed the tractor, then I fired up the old thing -- was warned this past spring that I need to get rid of this puppy. The pin that holds the blades to the mower deck is starting to give and there is nothing that can be done to fix it. The tractor is over 30 years old, and despite this obvious wear and that it looks like it went through a war, it still has a pretty strong heart. I'll hate to see it go!!!

Okay, so I started mowing. Right or wrong, I have the same route every time I mow. When I got to the far side of the yard, I felt a fire-hot stinging on my ankle. Several people I know have been chased and stung by ground bees this season, and I figured I was the new kid on the block. I ducked my head, swerved sharply to the right, and kept going. My ankle was on fire, and for a few moments, I didn't think I could stand it much longer, but once I'd turned and was heading toward the house, the burning sensation eased a bit. I have a HUGE yard, and by the time I was back to the starting gate, the stinging had eased up enough, I figured, what the heck, and continued to mow. I DID avoid that spot of the lawn, however. There are two long spots in the lawn today, the spot where I encountered the bees, and one spot where I had overlooked some rather large tree limbs that had fallen.

Because of the rain lately, it's been about 2, 2-1/2 weeks since I'd last mowed. It was long, but not too bad. I took it slow, and didn't bog down the mower, even in the thickest areas. It still took me nearly two hours to mow the entire thing. I had a high energy thing going, so I did some weeding, extra trimming on some of the smaller trees and shrubs. I went past the front bushes a couple times, knowing full well that they needed trimming, as well. I sorely wanted to get the trimmer out, but I currently have two different garden spiders displaying beautifully intricate webs, over the front bushes. I would have to completely displace them both to trim them down. Am I crazy, or what? Would I redeem myself if I say I've been practicing my photo skills on them?

Well, seven hours later, I am once again proud of the outside of my house -- well most of it -- if I go crazy with a paintbrush, it would only help. I took some needed relaxation time last evening, and this morning I had a meeting. Played hooky some more, just because I could. Nope, didn't do much inside. Intended to this evening, but the Sunday paper had the promise of a beefed-up Help Wanted section. Whew!!!! When are the days going to get longer than 24 hours??????

"Steve Irwin Didn't Have to Die!!"

DISCLAIMER: I very, very seldom purchase the pulp sold near the checkout stand because it IS so preposterous --- this is one of those rare occasions -- will probably send it on to SSMW for further comment.....

Just out of the Globe Exclusive, "Steve Irwin Autopsy Shocker. Sadly, the chilling details of the beloved wildlife legend's last moments reveal that his own actions contributed to his untimely death after he was stabbed by the venomous barb of a 220-pound bull stingray while snorkeling off Australia's Great Barrier Reef.
"... It was an incredibly rare stroke of bad luck--" No, duh!
"Lifesaving CPR was attempted... and a medevac helicopter was called...."
"... Specifics of the autopsy remain under wraps..... but sources say it revealed that a series of mistakes and bad breaks doomed the charismatic Animal Planet star. More bad luck, eh?
" The most critical error occurred when Irwin yanked the barb out of his own chest after being struck, leaving a palm-size hole. Like a double-bladed dagger with fishhook teeth, the barb caused much more structural damage to his heart when pulled out than when it went in."
"Internationally renowned forensic pathologist Mr. Michael Baden, who has investigated deaths all over the world and served as an expert witness in O.J. Simpson's trial, tells GLOBE "It's human nature to want to pull out any spike that breaks through your chest wall (happens regularly to me, how about you?) but it's better to leave it intact until a surgeon can remove it. Keep that in mind, will you? Pulling it out caused the protective sac around Mr. Irwin's heart to fill with blood, which prevented his heart from beating.
"Since it would have taken some time for the devastating effects of the ray's venom to compromise his system, it was really the cardiac rupture that caused his death." From my watching two full seasons of CSI: Miami, I feel confident in saying that the venom from a 220-pound Bull Stingray administered directly to the heart might NOT have killed the man instantly, but instead would have taken maybe a full ten minutes......
"Baden notes that if someone had quickly aspirated the heart sac - piercing it with a hypodermic needle and drawing out the blood that had filled it - he might have made it to the hospital" And then he would have died. Okay, I'll play the Devil's Advocate here --- Would the most experienced professional medical man have KNOWN exactly what had happened?????? Once the autopsy report is leaked, it is EASY to comment on what I would have done..... but even a paramedic.... it would have been a crapshoot, either way!!!!
"He was in a high-risk business and should have had his own medical expert on board his boat. And everyone, including the cameraman who was closest to him, should have had the training necessary to stop him from ripping the barb from his chest." Yeah, he should have spent some of his cool millions on a heart specialist to accompany him into the sea -- and oops, he breaks a leg, and bone shards get into his bloodstream, and rips into his circulatory system, and the man dies a freakish death because there was no one aboard that could have prevented his leg from bending in that direction in the first place. Oh, oh, and President Kennedy should have had a medical team with him at all times, and the brain surgeon could have started surgery before they ever left the area of the Grassy Knoll and he wouldn't have had to die. Oh, my Gawd!!!! If Elvis hadn't gone to the bathroom alone, SOMEONE could have noticed he collapsed and probably died in his own vomit!!!!! Ever hear of the saying "Hindsight is 20/20"??
Oh, and if the photo and Headlines weren't enough to get me to buy this rag, it also said: "His desperate death struggle - IN PICTURES" and "His wife's agony" had clinched the deal. The PICTURES were three close-to-stick-figure sketches showing Mr. Irwin being struck, clutching his chest, then pulling the barb out. If those PICTURES are to be believed, then I don't believe Steve is dead, because the "gaping hole" is on the right side of his chest, it couldn't possibly have hit his heart. And the sidebar about "His wife's agony" is just a very slight mention of how strong Terri and Bindi are both being - no report at all.
Thank you, I feel better now.

Tough Day at Black Rock......

I have decided that I don't like any of the available fonts here. That's just the icing on today's cake. I've been told that I spread myself too thin -- today, I am skim milk!
Work is as bad as ever, the weather sucks (yes, I know we need the rain, but MODERATION! MODERATION!) My body must work on a solar panel, no sun, no energy! When I arrived home, my neighbor came out on her porch and announced she needed to talk to me. I put her off for a couple minutes while I came inside to get the dogs. Thinking: "Am I in some kind of trouble?", I went over to see what she wanted.
Turned out her sister has just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and she wanted some advice, some insight, and probably some reassurance. Hell, why not -- turns out today is the seventh anniversary of MY diagnosis. I didn't realize that until we started talking about the bare bones: what happens next. I left her with some words that I hope will help, my oncologist's card, a hug, and hope, I hope. Left me thinking that all this volunteer stuff I'm being criticized for may be having some impact. Hmmmmmm.
Getting late -- I can't believe I'm being such an idiot trying to get everything up and running on this computer. The fact that I've gotten a couple pictures out the door is a near miracle. Haven't been able to get my Micro Office open to get my resume done. All the work my computer guru did to get stuff copied over may be for naught, if I can't find the stuff!!!!!
Okay - til next time--- don't forget to get your mammies checked! Oh, and if you're of the male gender -- you need to have things checked, too. So do it!

Tooting My Own Horn -- so to speak....

Okay! Since SSMW gave me the prerequisite boot in the butt, I guess I'd better take her seriously and get typing!
Yes!!!!! Back in July, I was talking to some friends who were discussing the upcoming County Fair and the fact that they were entering some of the competitions for their woodworking projects and photography. Photography!!!! Who's the photographer here? Although I am the only person in my crowd to have professional classes under my belt, a recent adult education class in Photoshop, and membership in the local photo club -- no one has seen any of my current work! Between my laziness and the fact that my computer needed updating, I think I have the world's largest collection of memory cards from my digital camera. Not many photos to show for it. Working at the Zoo, I carry my camera with me and have caught some very unusual photos, from the extreme close-up of the tiger against the window taking his nap (this photo won me the Grand Champion ribbon in the "color enlargement - animals" class!!!) to a slightly blurry pic of two tortoises in mating season! Once in a while, I'd run to Mal-Wart and print a shot for a gift or my photo club meet. A month ago, I let a friend take my computer down for a couple weeks, and upgrade to a new computer. I AM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE IT!!!!!! Anyway, I digress. I checked out what it takes to enter the photography exhibit at the Fair, signed up, then spent two weeks choosing, printing and mounting photos. I consciously balked at entering the particular Tiger Photo, because it is so unusual, and in the end, I decided that I like it, so it's going in. Imagine my shock (yes, I actually gasped when I found the Blue and the Purple (Grand Prize) ribbons on that photo! I was still standing there when another woman came in and found the ribbon on my photo and proceeded to have a conniption fit about it. She obviously didn't care whether or not hers was good enough, she just felt that she deserved the ribbon more. So, here I apologize to all who read this, for the lack of the infamous Tiger Photo, until I have the time to figure out HOW to post it!!!!! Hope you are not offended by exclamation points, because I use them a lot. Heck, I don't apologize for that -- that's the way I write, and you are not my writing teacher, are you?
Haven't been blogging because I have been working, stressing, fighting with my mother about things that I love, stressing, volunteering at the Zoo, trying to learn my new computer, stressing, knitting squares for a young soldier heading for Kosovo, stressing over my daughter's upcoming wedding AND her pregnancy, working on my photography, and putting some hours on my kayak (unstressing).

LifeInTheFastLane.....

Whew! Thought I'd make an appointment with myself to do some actual work on here! I can't believe that writers are supposed to WRITE! I've always believed that one had to do some living in order to write -- now I'm starting to suspect that real writers actually have a talent for writing, even though they are not really out there LIVING!!!!!

Much water has flowed under the proverbial bridge. Let's see....ever unsatisfied with my day job. Office politics I can handle, it's the slavery/subservience (sp?) I object to. Don't like my supervisor, don't like the way the boss let's her trample the rest of us. Neither of them have any employee skills, and they are afraid of us. Instead of "positive reinforcement", they both prefer to browbeat. I hate negativism, and that's as far as I'll go.

Spring is definitely underway, although I am not thrilled with the cool temperatures and constant rain. I haven't been able to get my kayak in the water yet, and tonight, for the first time in two weeks, I was finally able to get some of my grass mowed. I was well on my way to finishing, but the mower belt broke. My mission tomorrow is to go out and get a new belt, then replace it! I did get one of the push mowers going, but there is no way I'll do all of the rest of the yard with THAT! I love the way the yard looks when it is done. It smells great, too. The dogs are funny while I'm mowing, Princess is so aware of her leash, she moves to move the leash out of my way; and Brutus acts as though he's being punished.

Okay, now for the BIG NEWS: I am a Quasi-Celebrity. I think that would be the correct term...I have been written up in the Miami Herald, Sunday Edition... Here's the story behind the story....In February, Thelma and I took a little trip to The Florida Keys. This was my second trip there, since I have an annual conference in Miami. Why the conference? Check out my website: litds.unfranchise.com and see what else I'm up to.

Anyway, we decided to hit the Keys for a few days before my meeting. I'd already done the legwork and had motel reservations, and a little kayak trip scheduled. The rest of the time, I wanted to "chill"... and just dangle my feet in the Gulf while sipping Margaritas. Well, silly me, traveling with Thelma is anything BUT sitting! We saw nearly everything there is to see, even if only for a half an hour here, half an hour there...but we're still fast friends, and we really enjoyed ourselves. We did find the Key Deer, wild alligators and iguanas. Then we reported to the Kayak outfitter for our guided trip into the Mangroves. I'd made that reservation through the tourist office, so I wasn't sure what to expect, other than it was supposed to be a four-hour trip. When we got there, I explained that I was supposed to make the trip with two other women, but Thelma was there, couldn't swim, had never kayaked before and was quite nervous. The oufitter said "no sweat" and assigned us to another, shorter trip, "without snorkeling". WHAT????! I hadn't been aware of the snorkeling, but I agreed to the shorter trip. We had such a great time, and Thelma even enjoyed it! It was indeed a great choice.

The rest of the trip consisted of shopping, seafood, music, turtle races, shopping, hair braiding, beach, shopping, key lime pie, seafood, shopping, turtle hospital, and lots and lots of Island music, including plenty of Jimmy Buffet everywhere.

On Wednesday, I dropped Thelma at the airport and went to find my other friends for the conference starting on Thursday. This trip to Miami wasn't too bad. I was prepared for Miami this time, and despite the horrendous taxi gouging, the rest of the trip was fine. More seafood, good conference, and more shopping. Great friends.

Once I arrived home, it took me a couple weeks to remember the kayaking outifitter and their "other" trip.... so I went online, to see if I could see what I had missed. The opening page blew me away -- "Win This Job!" Including salary and housing, the would-be employer asks applicants to fill out an application and write a 300 word essay. Believe it or not, I didn't do that immediately. I thought about it non-stop for two days, then I went back to the computer and filled out the application. It took me awhile to write the 300 words, but I thought I did a pretty good job. A few days later, I went back and read the small print. I found out the job wouldn't start for another year, and that the future employer would be checking over applications each month, culling applicants. That gave me an idea: I am going to apply every month!

Of course, that first essay covered my background and a plea to "Pick me, pick me!" (I'd run out of words, well before the 300.) My second essay started out "Chapter Two" and I filled this one all the way to 297 words. Shortly after that submission, I received a phone call from a reporter from the Miami Herald for a piece to go into the Sunday Edition. The article did indeed appear, and I was only one of two persons interviewed. At that time, there were only about one hundred other applicants, but I am sure that number grew significantly once the article appeared. I am thinking about my angle for this month.....

What else? Working on about 4 different committees at the zoo: my usual Summer Guides (I love it because I can be invisible or not, but seeing all my animals.); Birds of Prey (crowd control, information); Animal Enrichment (paper mache' Easter eggs, grapevine balls, treatsicles); Zoo Ball (behind the scenes stuff)....photographs of everything...... Photo club once a month, and a spot on the Pow Wow committee. I'm finally starting to think.... a bit much, eh?

In my Spare Time: Reading:- The DaVinci Code (finally went paperback- what can I say?) I have eschewed my Catholic Church upbringing - believe in God and the Ten Commandments -- don't believe the heretics who are charitable only if it's high profile. So I find the whole hubbub about this book and the soon to be open movie hilarious! When people backpeddle so hard, I just have to laugh! I won't argue with them, I just laugh! The book makes you think, but, like the Bible, people are going to draw their own conclusions. So what? At least they're thinking!

CD books: Paper Life by Tatum O'Neil -- yegads, what a messed up family!
Music: Toby Keith - White Trash with Money -- Love his writing, lines like "I took your leaving with a little salt -- and tequila and lime" Wish I'd written that one myself. Also Jimmy Buffet's new "Hoot" good mix of styles, not just a Jimmy Buffet platter. Also, picked up an Oldie, Jimmy Buffet's Meet Me in Margaritaville. (So I'm a late bloomer of a Jimmy Buffet fan. Sue me!)