Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I Love the Post Man!!!!!

So, today was drudge, drudge, drudge. Usually, I am a free spirit at work, and get there just before my start time, take about 36 minutes for lunch, instead of 30, and relish the last half hour when I am the only one in the office. Yay! That is the only time I will stay as long as it takes me to finish my work. Of course, no one in "power" sees that side of me, and the little rebel in me refuses to bend to the "accepted" way of doing things. Today, I started 45 minutes early, cut my lunch short by about 5 minutes, and worked an extra 45 minutes afterward. On the way home, I remembered that we were out of dog food as of this morning, and unless I wanted to run out of cat food by feeding my canines cat food, I had to get to the pet store for food. I drove to a neighboring town and hit the box store for my 41 pounds of uncontaminated dog food. Then I decided to treat myself to a decent meal and dropped into the local Mexican eatery -- no, not a Taco Hell, but a real, honest-to-goodness, family-run Mexican restaurant, run by a father and son, waitstaffed with latino senoritas, and patronized by local Mexican people.
Dragging myself home, I stopped at my tilted mailbox (a great game with the local snow-plow driver -- "Get the Mailboxes!!!!!") and pulled out an armload of goodies! I couldn't wait to get them home to see what I'd received.
First, there was the new $3 coupon for the Big Box Pet Store I like; then there was the invitation to the local car dealer offering great prizes to match their numbers. I love going there and arguing with the turkey at the desk about cars, then claiming my $2 McD's coupon, or my $2000 shopping spree on the internet (haven't found anything yet that I want to buy from them). I maintain the hope that one day, they will slip and award me the $10,000 prize.
The best thing I received in the mail today was my long-sought-after 1937 tome by Irving Tressler: "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People". Call me weird, but I found this little gem ages ago when I was about 10 or 12. I'd read just about every other book in the local library (this was also before libraries shared books to expand your horizons) when I came across Tressler's book. You need to understand that I've always been a bit of a smartass, even as a child. This was especially horrid, because I was a Catholic child. Arguments with the nuns about whether or not my pet dog would go to heaven got me bad marks right from the start. Add a sardonic wit, and a penchant for not keeping my mouth shut, and I was trouble right there. Add a book such as Tressler's and all bets are off.
I was browsing the website of one of the large bookstores, when I noticed the button: Used and Out of Print. I'd looked for this book over the years: back at the original library, at book sales, used book shops, other websites, you name it! I hit this button, and typed in the name of the book, and up it came! At a bargain price, no less! I was thrilled and ordered it immediately. Receiving it in the mail at the end of this long and arduous day just brightened everything for me.
For instance, the book opens with "10 Things This Book Will Do For You:
1. Get you out of a mental rut. This isn't the rutting season anyhow. What are you doing in it?
2. Arouse enthusiasm amoung your friends -- enthusiasm for sudden engagements they just remembered.
3. Give you 10-15 more miles per gallon and relieve you of any flat tires you get stuck with.
4. Replace tick-tack-toe games at lectures.
5. Get you out of distasteful social engagements quicker than you got into them.
6. Give you those quiet evenings alone you've yearned for ever since the neighbors "accepted" you.
7. Decrease your influence, enable you to get twice as much done as before.
8. Teach you how to antagonize anyone, anywhere, anytime without the aid of dandruff.
9. Increase your happiness by decreasing that of others.
10. Replace pains in your neck with aches in your sides."

I know, sounds weird, but to my warped mind, it's just a little bit of ice cream, so to speak. I'm actually going to cut this short and go read my new book!

Monday, March 19, 2007

It's a Technical World

This world today, full of gadgets, toys, items that we just HAVE to HAVE. Tools that we can't live without. Planning a recent trip, I visited the idea that I wanted something to keep me company on a long trip. I'd tried the personal CD player, but apparently purchased such a cheap one that it didn't even work right out of the package. The MP3 Player was gaining ground, then everywhere you'd look, the iPod was wending it's way into our lives.
Call me crazy, but I just didn't want the "i" version of this latest gimmick. Half the world is trying to get me to change over to the MAC for computing, and I resist. I am a photographer and I resist. It is getting to the point that I may be bending, however, but for my last hurrah, I purchased a Creative Zen M for my personal portable stereo. I'm currently using it for photos that I want to show, as well. It works great -- I love the fact that I can work (vacuum, clean house, pack, you name it, and the thing plays away and keeps me going. I love music and usually play it loud. This may save my dogs' hearing. They are really wondering about the sudden bursts of dance, however. Alright, I have come crashing into the 21st Century with my MP3 player. I'm not done, yet.
On said recent trip, as I was signing for my rental car, the clerk asked me if I wanted to rent a GPS unit. Uncertain, I asked if it would be easy to use. He assured me he'd coach me before he sent me off, and I said yes. I was in Washington D.C. for the week, and although I was staying with my daughter, and knew my way into the city and to the airport, there were some side trips I was planning, so I figured the GPS would come in handy. My daughter and her husband had brought one with them when they came to the Midwest to visit, and I got a taste of how the thing worked at that time. I'd looked them up for pricing, etc and decided that they were handy, but just a bit pricey.
Using the GPS in Washington D.C. was quite a treat, however, and despite the new routes and new bridges, the unit got me to and from each of my destinations. I started to make up destinations just to try it out! When I missed an exit, it was quick to recalculate and get me back on track. When I stopped into a nearby Target, I passed an endcap that was advertising a sale on GPS units, and I was intrigued. The sale offered a substantial savings and I couldn't stop thinking about this new, potential toy. I decided that I had enough things to haul home, and wanted to wait until I returned to the Midwest. Upon returning home, I went to Target again, and the sale continued here, as well. I had to have the GPS unit.
My new toy came with it's own batteries, and reading through the brief manual, I learned that even though it was a different brand than the one I'd rented, it worked exactly the same. I put the mounting hardware together, and took the thing to work with me. I only work 4 miles away, and it's a straight shot down the highway, so that was no fun. The real joke came that evening after work when I had to go to a nearby town to pick up a UPS package that needed a signature. I'd never been to that town, and contrary to my usual habits, I didn't consult a map (you should see my map collection!) I had the address of the UPS facility, and entered that into the unit. I was under a time constraint, so I entered "quickest route".
Everything was going well, the unit indicates how many miles you have left to get to your destination, and I was watching the clock. The miles ticked by, the minutes ticked by. The facility was closing at 6:30, and at 6:21, I had 2.4 miles left to go. Barring an encounter with a freight train, I was going to make it on time. The GPS lady said: "Descend exit ramp and prepare to turn right". I did. At the stop sign, the GPS lady said: " Turn right onto the highway". I did. The GPS lady immediately said, "Make a legal U-turn at the first opportunity". I started to argue with her! "Make up your mind! You're supposed to know where we're going! Don't pick NOW to take me on a wild goose chase!!!!!!" I made a U-turn. Don't know if it was legal or not, but I was out in the middle of nowhere, I hoped it wouldn't matter. Heading back toward the freeway to the other side of the underpass, my little bitch-friend in the box glued to my windshield says: "Make a legal U-turn at the first opportunity"!!!!! I nearly ripped her off the windshield and sent her flying into the nearby soggy field. Swearing under my breath, I told her in no uncertain terms that I did not have the time to be playing games. I made another U-turn. I was hoping there was no one observing me doing all these u-turns and talking a blue-streak to no one in particular.
Just a quarter mile down the road, I found the UPS facility with only 2 minutes to spare. Bitch-woman-in-the-box didn't say a word until I was halfway into the driveway! Again, I was telling her off. I was smart enough to shut up as I pulled up to the building, as there were people coming and going in all directions. I used her again coming home, just to see what route she was going to take me. I am the original short-cut queen, so I didn't agree with what she suggested for our ride home. I have mixed feelings about this little genie, and until I get some more experience with it, I guess I'll reserve further comment. I am going to look into changing the voice to something male with an exotic accent -- I didn't think about that when I bought the thing. I'm figuring that kind of option would be great. I'll take directions from a sexy male -- Fabio, Hugh Grant.. whomever! Having a superior-sounding broad telling me to take a u-turn twice in a row just doesn't sit right with me.... we haven't gotten off on the right foot, I'm thinking!